HELP!!! I'm drowning in a sea of fruit vegetables, and fat-burning soup concoctions! With no sign of high sodium carbohydrates, sugar, or carbonated beverage on the horizon! *Dramatic sigh* Who will save me from.......Myself??

Ok I'm done, now I'll explain my little inexplicable outburst. Let's go back to the moment this temporary bout of insanity ensued. Last Friday my very good friend Jess came to stay with us until she discovers where she will be situated as a Public Health Nurse, and after eating popcorn and watching a couple movies (Phat Girls, and Take the Lead) Jess begins describing a detoxifying cleanse that she recently heard about and would like to try. As I listen to her description of the cleanse I try desparately to hide the panic creeping up ever so discreetly on my face, as I anticipate her next question...."Do you want to do it with me?"........Crap. An overwhelming sense of dread encapsilizes me as I hear the words coming from my mouth, "Sure I guess we could". AH! What was that? What did I say? Did I just agree to torture myself for a whole week? To obstain from sugar, carbs, meat, and most caffeinated beverages? Wow, I must be and the height of disillusionment.

So we trudge over to the grocery store and find our ingrediants of agony. We fill up our cart with nothing except fruit and vegetables. Now, let me explain, I like fruit actually. I quite often crave a good mango, or apple, or pommegranite, or grapes. But when that is all you can eat, a little produce-directed resentment begins to build inside you. So, allow me to explain the various degrees of punishment I am inflicting on myself...

Day 1 - Fruit. ONLY FRUIT. You may have a special fat-burning soup concoction as often as you like as well. But nothing else.

Day 2 - Nothing but VEGETABLES. Ew. Now I love a good stir fry as much as the next person, but with no dip, no sauces, nothing, just vegetables. This was not a good day for me. And the soup, which really isn't that bad, but when it's pretty much all you eat for a week, it gets a little old.

Day 3 - Fruit and Vegetables. Wow, the selection! The variety! *Do you hear the words oozing with sarcasm? Do you? You better.*

Day 4 - Bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S).... and Milk. Now when I say this it means that ALL YOU CAN EAT IS BANANAS AND MILK! I hate bananas, and milk. This day was not the most pleasent for me or anyone around me.

Day 5 - Tomatoes and beef. Meat! My kingdom for some meat! I hate tomatoes. Of course with 4 days of absolutely no meat, what I did eat made me very ill. Great. I'll never eat normal again!

Day 6 - Chicken and vegetables. Ok, not too bad, I can deal with this. I can make a great stirfry. Roast some chicken, it'll all be good. Man I want some chocolate!

Day 7 - Rice and vegetables. What? No meat? None at all? I was just getting used to it again! NO! I think I'm going to be sick....

So there you have it my friends. Why do I choose to put myself thru this? Who the hell knows? But I'm told I'm supposed to feel better.....I'm still waiting.

Song of the day: Take Me Away With You - Norah Jones

posted by Tennille @ 4:13 AM

6 Comments:

At 10:48 PM, Anonymous said…

LOL! I tried a 'diet' almost identical to this last summer. By the second day I was so hungry that I nearly lost conciousness during church (no joke) and when I got home I immediately ate an ice cream sandwich. It was the tastiest ice cream sandwich I've ever had. Oh, and that was the end of the diet. :)
At 8:56 PM, D said…

That's the most bizzare cleanse I've ever heard of.
At 7:30 PM, Anonymous said…

The sh** is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

Disregard, disregard.
Sounds like a not so fun program.
I did the one in the purple box from Nature's Fare, just a 7 day thing. It was not fun, but at least the food made sense. Lots of whole grains and veggies every day, but it was fairly balanced. I don't think I felt hungry the whole time, but my sweet tooth was plotting my demise.
At 1:20 PM, Annie said…

hmmmm, i completely get what you mean about normally liking fruit but hating it when it's all you're ALLOWED to eat. i hear you, i hear you.

ahhhhh chocolate.

so are you done this cleanse? you have to update on how it went in the end.
At 4:31 PM, Anonymous said…

Are you and Barb competing for the stalest blog? Give us a fresh update!
At 10:58 AM, Paul & Wanda Moores said…

Ooooh burn!!!!!

You've been called out Tenille. Give us some fresh meat (NPI).